Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
