Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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