I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
