People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
