He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
