the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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