Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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