So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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