I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
