I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the condom got lost in my hair
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
