Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Even my vagina gasped.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
