dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
