My first STD was from a foam party
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
