Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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