i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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