I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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