I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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