I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You are a genius and a whore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
