can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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