he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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