So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
