im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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