Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
