We got so high we made milksteak
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
