can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
