Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
