Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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