please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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