i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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