At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
