You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
