I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
