You really coming over, don't trick.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
