In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
