So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
