DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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