Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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