four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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