i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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