Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
