Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i now understand why vodka
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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