so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
