There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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