i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
