Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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