So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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