I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
