I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
