never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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