Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
