when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
