you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
