It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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