For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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