I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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