All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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