I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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