That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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