The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do vagina's smell?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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