I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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