Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
