why didn't you poke me back
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
