just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Welp...herpes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
