4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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