The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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